Whenever I visit a foreign country I like to find out about the lifestyle and customs of the inhabitants of that country. Sometimes due to our ignorance we may do something which may be taboo and hurt somebody’s feelings in the process. Why start on the wrong foot when we could have avoided it by being a little more prepared and understanding. So I thought I’d let you in on a few Korean customs and also take a peek at their lifestyle.
Family
In the past it was the trend in Korea to have fairly large families, sometimes with 2 or 3 generations living under one roof. A big family was thought to be a blessing. It was also the custom that the eldest born son in the family should take care of his parents in their old age. When the father passes away he then takes over as the head of the family. That was why most Korean families preferred to have sons rather than daughters.
And in order to tackle this problem of male preference, the government came up with new family-related laws that ensured equality for sons and daughters as regards to inheritance. But in the sixties and seventies with the rapid growth in the industrialization and urbanization of the country the Koreans were introduced to birth control and the eighties saw a decrease in the average number of children in a family. And nowadays newly wedded couples move out from their extended families home to start a new life on their own. So times have changed.
Names
According to government statistics for the year 2000, 54% or well over half of the population of the Republic of Korea has one of the five family names Kim (21.6%), Lee (14.8%), Park (8.5%), Choi (4.7%), or Chung (4.4%). Rounding up the top ten family names are Kang, Cho, Yoon, Chang and Lim.
We have to bear in mind though, that not all Kims are the same. Surnames are divided into regional clans (bon-gwan) based upon a clan center or place of origin. So there are Gimhae Kims, Gwangsan Kims, and Gyeongju Kims. Similarly there are Lee clans based in Gyeongju, Jeonju and Seongju.
Koreans do not refer to others by their given names except among very close friends. Even among siblings, the younger ones are not supposed to address their elders by given names but rather by eonni for elder sister or oppa for elder brother.
Marriage
Koreans believe that marriage is the most important thing in one's life and a divorce not only brings disgrace to the couple but also to their families. Despite this the divorce rate in Korea is still growing rapidly.
Everybody loves weddings I’m sure. There are a lot of customs involved that one has to perform before the marriage and on the day itself. Want to know some of them that I’ve sourced from KTO?
When a couple decides to get married, the man will visit the girl’s parents to get their permission, then the man will bring the girl to meet his parents. When both parents agree the sanggyeonnye will be held. Sanggyeonnye is when the parents and relatives of both parties meet officially for the first time to discuss the marriage.
About a month before the wedding, yedan or gifts from the bride’s family to the groom’s family will be sent to the groom’s house. In the past the groom’s family would send silk to the bride’s family as it was expensive then and the bride in turn would personally make clothes with the silk, for her parents-in-law. Then the silk garments or yedan would be sent back to the groom’s house. In appreciation of the bride’s endeavours the groom’s family would send some money back. Today, however, all gifts sent by the bride to the groom’s home are simply called yedan regardless of content. In olden days, only goods were offered as yedan; but with the changing of times, nowadays money is also being sent for the purchase of wished for items.
If yedan is the gift by the bride to the groom’s family, then what do we call the gift from the groom to the bride’s family? It’s known as ham. Originally, the ham was sent the day before the wedding but it has now become more common to send it on a pre-determined date prior to the wedding. Inside the ham, which is a gift box, is a carefully prepared letter, written by the groom’s father to thank the bride’s parents for sending their precious daughter as their daughter-in-law which signifies the recognition and blessing of the marriage. Inside are also blue and red silk, and a list of necessary items. The blue and red silk also known as chaedan, was originally cloth material for making hanbok. The blue silk is wrapped in red paper and then tied with a blue string; the red silk is wrapped in blue paper and tied in red. This signifies the harmonious union between the man (blue) and the woman (red). The string signifies the binding of two hearts into one for everlasting love. My, how romantic can they get? The ham, which is wrapped in a red cloth called bojagi is sent to the bride’s home by hamjinabi or the person responsible for the delivery.
It’s the day of the wedding. The wedding ceremony is a public ritual to notify the public of the couple’s marriage. In Korea, there are two types of wedding ceremonies. The first and most common is the Western-style wedding held in a wedding hall or church. The other is the traditional Korean wedding, which is becoming more popular among young couples who want to have the unique experience. The traditional wedding involves the bride and the groom bowing to each other in traditional wedding outfits and sharing a cup of liquor in a gourd to vow their full commitment to a happy marriage to heaven and earth. After the actual wedding ceremony, the bride and the groom participate in a pyebaek ceremony to bow to the groom’s parents. During pyebaek, the parents throw chestnuts and jujube fruits to encourage many offspring and bless a happy marriage.
After returning from the honeymoon, the married couple would visit the bride’s home to show their respect to the bride’s parents. That night, the couple stay there to spend the night in the parent’s room. This signifies that the parents commemorate and congratulate their daughter’s return as the wife of a man. The next day, the couple leaves for the groom’s home with ibaji, food carefully prepared by the bride’s mother.
Ibaji comes from the word ‘ibajihada,’ meaning ‘to contribute’. The bride’s mother usually prepares ibaji right after the couple’s return from the honeymoon. It is prepared with great care to send to the in-laws through the daughter. The food can vary depending on the family style and regions, but commonly consists of galbi, seafood, fruit, and tteok (rice cakes), all done perfectly. In some cases, simpler fare such as with tteok, fruit, and hangwa is prepared. Ibaji food contains the love of the bride’s mother wishing that her daughter would be loved by her parents-in-law and would have a happy marriage. Upon receiving the ibaji food, the groom’s mother also sends back food as a sign of appreciation.
Ancestral Memorial Rites
Koreans believe that when people die, their spirits do not immediately depart; they stay with their descendants for four generations. During this period the deceased are still regarded as family members, and Koreans reaffirm the relationship between ancestors and descendants through jerye or ancestral memorial rites performed on special days like Sollal (Lunar New Year's Day) and Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving Day), as well as on the anniversary of their ancestors' passing. Koreans also believe that people can live well and happily thanks to benefits their ancestors bestow upon them.
Religion
Unlike some countries where a single religion is dominant, in Korea, the Koreans have the freedom to choose from a wide variety of religions. Freedom of religion is guaranteed by the Constitution of Korea. Historically Koreans lived under the influences of Shamanism, Buddhism, Taoism or Confucianism. But in modern day Korea you can find Koreans who are Protestants, Catholics and Muslims.
In a 2005 social statistics survey, 53.1 % of Koreans follow a specific religious faith. Buddhists account for some 43% of them, very closely followed by Protestants (34.5 %) and Catholics (20.6%) of the religious population. The remaining 1.9% mostly practice Confucianism, Shamanism, Islam and Chondogyo (Heavenly Way) an indigenous religion.
Festivals
In days gone by, festivals were lavish religious affairs. The harvest thanksgiving festivals began to be observed officially during the confederated kingdoms period. They included the yeonggo (spirit invoking drums)of Buyeo, dongmaeng (worship of the founder) of Goguryeo, and mucheon (dance to Heaven) of Dongye. Usually, the festivals were conducted in the 10th lunar month, after harvests were over, except for yeonngo which was held in the 12th lunar month.The tradition of enjoying the autumnal harvest and greeting the New Year in festivity continued through the later kingdoms and dynasties, although each kingdom had its own addition and deletion of holidays. Due to the hectic pace of life today, modern Korea has lost many of its traditional holidays. But a few holidays are still celebrated. One such day is Seollal, the first day of the year according to the lunar calendar. The entire family gathers on that day dressed mostly in traditional hanbok to perform ancestral rites. After the ceremonies the younger generation will make the traditional bows to their elders.
Other major holidays include Daeboreum the first full moon after Seollal. During this holiday, farmers and fishermen pray for a bountiful harvest and catch whilst most households pray for a fortuitous year and good luck by preparing special dishes of seasonal vegetables.
On Dano, the 5th day of the 5th lunar month, farmers took a day off from the fields for joint festivities marking the completion of sowing while women washed their hair in special water prepared by boiling iris with the hope of preventing misfortune. Dano was a major holiday in the olden days but interest has decreased except in a few provinces.
Chuseok, (Korean Thanksgiving Day) the autumnal full moon day that falls on the 15th day of the 8th lunar month is probably the most anticipated festive day for modern Koreans. Almost all institutions and stores are closed for 3 days during Chuseok. This year it will be celebrated from 2nd to 4th October. Family members get together, pay tribute to their ancestors and visit ancestral graves. People living in other cities return to their hometowns to observe Chuseok.
There are several family celebrations that are important for all Koreans and which are celebrated with feasting and merriment. They include baegil, the 100th day after a child’s birth, dol, baby’s 1st birthday and hoegap or hwan-gap, one’s 60th birthday. Such occasions were observed as festivals in which even remote relatives attended but these days they are usually observed by only close family members
Ondol
Ever wondered why Koreans sit on cushions on the floor or sleep on thick mats on the floor? Thanks to the ingenious invention of under-floor heating (ondol) the rooms in Korean houses are kept warm during the cold winter months. Underneath the floors are stone or concrete flues. Traditionally hot air was vented through the flues to provide heat. Clay or cement would be placed over the stones to protect the residents from noxious gases. So the lower a person is to the floor, the warmer he will be.That is why most people sit and sleep on the floor on thick mats. Nowadays hot water is piped through cement floors covered with linoleum. Traditional Korean rooms have multiple functions. There are no specific bedrooms or dining rooms. Rather, tables and mats are brought in as needed.
Table Manners and Table Settings
From ancient times, Koreans have used spoon and chopsticks as their eating utensils. The spoon was for scooping steamed rice, soup, and stew, and chopsticks were used to eat a variety of prepared side dishes. Koreans are trained to use the spoon and the chopsticks correctly from childhood. Using both the utensils at the same time is considered bad manners. Here are some more table manners to observe. In Korean table manners, great reverence is shown towards seniority and appreciation for the food that is served. Before seating down at the table one should clean one’s face and hands. Never delay eating while the meal is still hot. One should not make others at the table wait. Try to pick up food at once and avoid searching around dishes with chopsticks. No matter how hot the served rice or soup may be, do not blow so as to cool it. Do not chew your food too quickly but enjoy leisurely dining with cheerful conversation with the others. Be careful not to touch dishes with your sleeve when you pick up food.. Do not rap on the table with the chopsticks nor make noise with your spoon hitting against the tableware. When in a group it is impolite to leave the table alone earlier than others. Etiquette requires all participants to finish meal at the same time. Do not pick your teeth in the presence of others. Do not read newspaper or book at dining table.
A Traditional Korean Meal
Bansang is the usual meal of steamed rice, soup, and side dishes.
Jangguksang is the main dish, and it is arranged with kimchi, cold greens, mixed vegetables, pan-fried dishes, confectionery, fruit, and fruit punch. This simple meal can be served as lunch as well.
Juansang - Alcohol drinks (ju) and accompanying side dishes (an) are set on the table. The dishes vary depending on the kinds of liquor or wine.
Kyojasang is a large table prepared for banquets. Alcohol beverages and a large variety of side dishes, rice cakes, confectionaries, and fruit punch are all placed on the table. After the liquor is finished, noodle soup is served.
The Traditional Ceremonial Meal
Baegil (100th day after the birth of a baby)-Steamed rice, brown seaweed soup, white rice cakes, rice cake balls.
Dol (first birthday) - Steamed rice, brown seaweed soup, white rice cakes, rice cake balls, rice cakes of five different colors steamed on a layer of pine needles.
Juansang - Alcohol drinks (ju) and accompanying side dishes (an) are set on the table. The dishes vary depending on the kinds of liquor or wine.
Marriage - The parents-in-law of the bride and bridegroom both prepare special dishes to express their mutual happiness and congratulations. The food includes fruit, confectionaries, and rice cakes which are stacked 30 to 60 centimeters high. This kind of table-setting is called, " gyobaesang."
Hwan-gap (60th birthday) - Gyobaesang is also prepared to celebrate one's 60th birthday
Lastly when you beckon to a person, do so with your palm down, and then flutter your hand up and down with your fingers touching together. It is not polite to beckon with your palm up especially using only one finger, because Koreans do that only to dogs.
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